Navigating December

Tis the season for decorated trees, stockings, Christmas carols, and Santa, but in our house it is also the season for on-going discussions and the need for some type of emotional GPS system (why hasn't that been invented yet?). It's a complicated time of year for all of us. For me it comes with many layers and memories of Christmas pasts. I grew up loving Christmas and to be honest, I still do, because it carries with it some of my favorite smells, tastes, traditions, feel-good movies, and family gatherings. I can't quash the fuzzy, warm feelings mingled with a bit of homesickness that always seem to swell up inside me when I catch the glimpse of a Christmas tree through someone's window. But now that I am the proud mama to two Jewish kiddos, Christmas has become a little murkier.

Prior to getting engaged, Adam and I went to interfaith counseling. Not just a couple of sessions but two years of counseling. We had lots of issues to wade through together and individually....San Francisco Jewish boy in the military meets Cajun, Catholic, country girl. That's not exactly an easy mix, but we were best friends, we were in love, and we took our relationship seriously. There were intense conversations with our families, our friends, rabbis, nuns, and other interfaith couples. There were moments of disappointment and loss; moments of humor and humility, and moments of clarity and peace, and we eventually came to some decisions regarding our future together. One of those decisions was that we would raise our children in a Jewish home. 

That decision has turned the month of December into a bit of a quagmire for us. When the kids were younger and attending a Jewish preschool, things weren't that tricky. We didn't need to explain what Hanukkah was to the teachers or school friends. We didn't have to explain why we didn't have a Christmas tree or why the presents were wrapped in blue paper instead of red. At that time we were also living in the States and we were able to travel to Louisiana each year for my family's annual Christmas/New Year's celebrations and being there made the holidays feel like the perfect mix to me. But now that we are living overseas and the kids are older, I have to admit that the holiday season has become more challenging. 

Last year was hard for Noah. He was the only Jewish kid in his class, the only Jewish kid in the entire elementary school, and actually probably just one of a handful of Jewish kids in all of southern Italy. And guess what first graders love to talk about in December? Santa. Lots of Santa discussions and suddenly Noah realized not just that he was different, but that he was the only one who wasn't getting a visit from Santa and it pissed him off. There's just no other way to explain it. He was mad. And I can't blame him. I even have to admit to very briefly considering changing our stance on the whole Christmas issue...maybe Santa could make a quick visit? But that didn't feel right. Having been raised in a Catholic family, attending Catholic schools for twelve years, Catholic Mass twice a week...Christmas is very clearly lodged in my mind as a sacred, religious holiday. It is not something to be twisted on a whim to include a surprise visit from Santa to a lone Jewish boy in Sicily. It just didn't feel right and if you know Noah in real life, you know, that he is a skeptic and he would have seen through that ploy faster than the singing of Jingle Bells. 

I am glad we didn't add Santa to the mix, because it has opened the doors for some good family talks about being Jewish. That's the duality of being in such a minority group here: we have to work harder to solidify what it means to be Jewish.  If we want to celebrate Jewish holidays or have services, we have to travel to larger Jewish congregations or we organize our own with the other Jewish families here (now at a grand total of three), and so we do. If want special Jewish food or holiday items, we have to plan ahead and order well in advance.We are forced to be more purposeful and thoughtful in our practice as a family, as parents, as individuals and that's a good thing. But it isn't easy.

Which brings us to this December...Noah is not mad like he was last year at this time, but we are continuing to deal with December related issues. During the past week, Noah has come home with four different school related issues. None of the issues are happening in his classroom, but they are taking place in the special classes...Santa projects in art class, Christmas cards in Italian class, Christmas carols in music class, school-wide Christmas performance...and when Noah asked to do different tasks, there wasn't an alternative. Which means we have had to speak up at the school multiple times in the course of just one week. I know that this is part of the deal. We have to educate and advocate, especially while our children are young, but sometimes I wish it didn't need to be quite so much work. And I don't mean the physical work of calling or talking to school staff, I mean the emotional work of it. I have to admit it is starting to make me a tad bitter about Christmas and I don't want that to happen for me or for the kids. Because although we don't celebrate Christmas in our home, it is a part of who I am and who my family is and therefore also a part of my kids and that is the sticky part of all this December business. 


I know we aren't the only families out there navigating these December issues and I know that every family has it's own way of mapping it out. This is just where we are this December. Trying to stay the course, trying to smooth out the wrinkles, trying to stay connected to roots, while also moving ahead to uncharted territory each December.