Waiting Candles

December 21, 2008

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah and also the Winter Solstice. Seems so appropriate this year that they coincide. The darkest, shortest day of the year and the festival of lights seem to go hand in hand. A time to celebrate miracles but also a time to acknowledge the larger forces of nature and our connection to the sun. But for me there also feels like an even closer personal connection between the two. I can't seem to shake my sadness. I have entered this holiday season with a heavy heart, but I am eager for tonight when we will light the first candles. There is something so stirring about candlelight, especially candles in the menorah. Tonight we will light the menorah that came from Adam's family, one we made with beans and applesauce cups, and something just for my dad. My dad didn't celebrate Hanukkah, but he did believe in the power of rituals so I have been trying to think of some way to honor him during Hanukkah. It came to me this morning when I was cleaning up from breakfast. I moved the bowl of paintballs and suddenly it made sense. So I took the paint balls and lined them up with nine alternating tea lights. I don't expect the sadness to suddenly disappear tonight when we light the candles for the first time, but I do hope to find a little comfort in watching my children's faces glow in the candlelight.
My Child's Diary said...

What a lovely idea for Hanukkiot! I hope the light will warm your sadness. As you probably know, miracles happen in Hanukkah... Happy Hanukkah!

morninglight mama said...

I'm wishing some peace and lightness for you this Hanukkah, Lucia!! You so deserve it!

Alexis said...

Happy Hanukkah!

Laurie said...

I agree, Lucia...there's little in the world more hopeful than lighting candles in the dark. Happy Hannukkah!

Corinne said...

Friend, I wish I was nearby so I could drop by and give you a hug : ) I love your idea with the tea lights - I bet this is a really hard time of the year to be without your amazing Dad. Every art project you do is a sign that his spirit is still around :)

Charles, Tiffany, Eva & Charley McCawley said...

My heart breaks for you this holiday season as you miss both your Dad and Adam. BUT, I am so inspired by your creative energy throughout this difficult time and I truly believe your Dad is whispering in your ear and guiding you to share his amazing artistic love with his grandchildren. His joy and talent lives in you and them! I will say prayers for all of you, for peace this season, and joy in memories and art.
Sending big hugs across many miles!
tiff (and the many mini macs!)

Mom said...

What a lovely, thoughtful way to remember and include your Dad during this holiday season and what a creative, beautiful way to use the paintballs. Wish we could all be together so we could give you a big hug and Charley could lick your face!!.

Mom2Isabel said...

A Very Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to you and the children, Lucia.
We can't wait to se you.

Laureen and Isabel

The Solley Five said...

sigh. we really miss you all.

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