This is how I got that shot of Camille juicing up a recent load of citrus from Bina and Antonio. I climbed up on the counter and balanced myself over the sink (see my foot in the bottom of the shot?). It was a crazy, foolish thing to do and I know I wasn't setting a very good example for my four year old. And it would have been really embarrassing if I had fallen and hurt myself...really, how would I explain that? And yet, I did it. I felt driven to get the shot. The light was nice, the composition of it all was shouting out to me, and Camille was so focused, that I just did it. I stood there straddling the sink and balancing precariously with a camera in my hands. I was both in the moment and hovering above it.
It's kind of how I have been feeling in general these days. Not quite solidly here or there. Nothing dramatically or obviously wrong. Just feeling disorganized, unsettled, and in between emotional states. I screwed up an easy crock pot meal earlier this week when I forgot to add the water. They were the saltiest Korean ribs ever made and my family was too polite to say anything, except to eat more rice than meat. My new plan of doing one load of laundry a day was working great for about four days and then I forgot to move the clothes to the dryer and my laundry was a mildewy mess. You know that smell, don't you? I finally discovered the source of the bad odor in the kitchen. A bag of rotting potatoes. That's even worse than the mildewed laundry smell. I made Tapioca pudding (one of my favorite things in the whole world) and it never set. How could I screw that up? I have made it a hundred times and never had problems before. I broke my favorite sugar bowl and threw an embarrassing tantrum about it. There is no denying it. I am in a domestic funk. Perhaps if I felt driven to cook or clean the way I feel driven to get the right shot, then I'd be better at this whole domestic thing. I am sorry to keep writing about it, but it's where I seem to be stuck right now. I am thinking I might need to just take a break from it all. Stop trying so hard, serve cereal and sandwiches for the next few days, read more, sleep more, and get outside more. Thank you for the thoughts on chores and allowances. Hoping to tackle that soon, but right now I am headed to bed.