Domestic Dissonance

June 9, 2010

This is how I got that shot of Camille juicing up a recent load of citrus from Bina and Antonio. I climbed up on the counter and balanced myself over the sink (see my foot in the bottom of the shot?). It was a crazy, foolish thing to do and I know I wasn't setting a very good example for my four year old. And it would have been really embarrassing if I had fallen and hurt myself...really, how would I explain that? And yet, I did it. I felt driven to get the shot. The light was nice, the composition of it all was shouting out to me, and Camille was so focused, that I just did it. I stood there straddling the sink and balancing precariously with a camera in my hands. I was both in the moment and hovering above it.

It's kind of how I have been feeling in general these days. Not quite solidly here or there. Nothing dramatically or obviously wrong. Just feeling disorganized, unsettled, and in between emotional states. I screwed up an easy crock pot meal earlier this week when I forgot to add the water. They were the saltiest Korean ribs ever made and my family was too polite to say anything, except to eat more rice than meat. My new plan of doing one load of laundry a day was working great for about four days and then I forgot to move the clothes to the dryer and my laundry was a mildewy mess. You know that smell, don't you? I finally discovered the source of the bad odor in the kitchen. A bag of rotting potatoes. That's even worse than the mildewed laundry smell. I made Tapioca pudding (one of my favorite things in the whole world) and it never set. How could I screw that up? I have made it a hundred times and never had problems before. I broke my favorite sugar bowl and threw an embarrassing tantrum about it. There is no denying it. I am in a domestic funk. Perhaps if I felt driven to cook or clean the way I feel driven to get the right shot, then I'd be better at this whole domestic thing. I am sorry to keep writing about it, but it's where I seem to be stuck right now. I am thinking I might need to just take a break from it all. Stop trying so hard, serve cereal and sandwiches for the next few days, read more, sleep more, and get outside more. Thank you for the thoughts on chores and allowances. Hoping to tackle that soon, but right now I am headed to bed.
Anonymous said...

It's a beautiful shot. Glad you're living on the edge!!!!

Sorry you are in a funk. Hope you find the 'cure' soon!

Jan

Cami said...

I would have done that for the shot too. :)

I know how you feel. There are times when I feel I screw everything up--especially my specialties like wheat bread or jumbo choc. chip cookies. I hate it when that happens. It just feels like, well, if I can't even do THIS right . . . and you know, you're doing the hardest job in the world. So give yourself a break and forgive yourself for those little tantrums. (Or even big ones.) And I hope you get out of your funk soon.

plumm said...

I think that sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to turn inward...time to fill our reserves. If we don't take this necessary step everything on the "outside" will start to reflect the condition of our "insides". Caring for yourself is not selfish...it's necessary. After all, don't we teach our kids to listen to their own needs and take a break when they need one? ~Amanda

Laurie said...

It IS a great shot. :) For what it's worth - I think motherhood has definitely pointed out all my domestic failures...I just keep telling myself that housekeeping and mothering are two different things. At least, I hope...

Anonymous said...

I'm also in an emotional funk and to try to cure it I clean and eliminate. Somehow I think if I can organize my outside world, everything within will fall into place. I am your classic type A with OCD tendencies. Oh well, at least I know who I am, right?! hahahahaha!!

There is a book study that the Protestant Women of the Chapel are running starting June 15th called "The Frazzled Female" -- I think I'm going to do it -- religion aside, I'm hoping it will be a good outlet where we can all build each other up and share ideas and experiences.

Second thought, let's start walking in the evenings a few times a week. Okay, let's start with once a week. No husbands. No kids. No laundry. No dishes. Just an easy pace and easy conversation.

- Kristen Matella

Martha said...

Great shot! My sugestion, yes go walking with that friend, get your thyroid checked and please send me the Korean rib recipe for a crock pot.

Anonymous said...

oh oh oh...I want the recipe too!!!

I third the recommendation: Go for Walk!!!

Jan

likeschocolate said...

Yes, I agree you probably just need to get out more and it is ok to serve cereal for dinner. We don't have to be perfect all the time. It has taken me 13 years of marriage and 3 children to realize that sometimes I am going to mess up a dinner. Sometimes I will have no desire to do the dishes or fold clothes. It is ok. The good thing is that it is still going to be there tomorrow.

Sara said...

Thanks for being courageous and writing about the tough, uninspired, run-down times. It helps to know I'm not alone in that. Sometimes, much as I love my home, my children, and my life, I feel that I've built myself a beautiful little cage to live in. I think it's OK to rest up. Good luck!

Corinne said...

I'm SO embarrassingly far behind on my blog reading, I'm sure you are past this now. I'm sorry that I missed the chance to tell you mid-funk how clearly I can imagine how you feel and how breakfast for dinner and lots of reading always DOES make me feel better :)

Good luck, dear friend :)

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