Nineteen days since we said good-bye to Adam at the airport. During this time he's been at a Marine base taking part in training exercises and preparing for desert life (although I don't think they will have really acclimated since the temperatures have been pleasantly in the 70s...I think they should have done their training in Louisiana since the heat here has been pretty intense). The nice thing is that we have had fairly regular phone contact and even one successful Skype conversation. We have been so busy getting settled in our new surroundings that so far it has felt like he is just on some sort business trip. But soon they will be departing and then I know things will be different. We will no longer have cell phone contact. I think this will be one of the biggest challenges. Right now I can just pick up the phone any time of day and even if I don't reach him at least I can leave a message and I know that he will call back. Once he gets there, we will have to wait for him to call us. That's going to be hard. Right now the kids have been having lengthy phone conversations with him several times a day. And I have been able to pick up the phone with any questions I have about those things he usually takes care of...bills, technical stuff (setting up the computer, re-programing the new cell phone, etc), and medical stuff (can we get allergy med refills?) It makes me realize how much he does to keep our lives running smoothly (don't check the kids' nails because he is the one who usually does all the nail trimming).
And on the emotional front we are all really missing Adam. Camille goes to sleep each night crying about how she misses her daddy and her grandpa. And her nightly prayer includes this heartbreaking request "God, make Daddy come home from work". It is so hard to explain to a two year old that six months "at work" (deployed) is not just an overnight thing like his usual call-nights at the hospital. Noah has been even more rambunctious than usual. Partly due to the weather...either raining or too hot to really get him outside each day to burn off energy and partly due to Adam's absence. He and Noah usually spent the late afternoon in the back yard playing soccer or swimming. And I am exhausted. Crawling into bed each night hoping to finally wake with new energy, but instead being awakened each morning at the break of dawn by a grumpy monkey girl...this single parenting stuff is exhausting. I worry that I am not able to be and do all that I need to for the kids. They have moments when they test me beyond my limits and others when they are the sweetest they ever been. And I really miss Adam. He is such a big part of our little family and it feels different without him. But overall, I think we are doing pretty well. We'll just keep crossing off the days until he is home again.
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Whew! I know it's not the same, but for these few days this week- I feel that same weariness. I'm watching my niece and nephew for a few days and Eric happens to be working non-stop (he crawls into bed for about 3 hours sleep and then is off to work again... so the kids and I never see him). The difference, of course, is that I know Sunday will bring a new day, with my husband home, and two less kids. Waking exhausted as I did today, I thought about people, like you, who are doing the parenting thing alone and I felt urged to pray. Cross off another day- you can do it!
Hang in there. I know how hard it is but I also know that you can do this! And whatever you are doing as a single parent IS enough and your kids know what a great Mom you are even when they don't let you know it. Please know that if you need us for a break, we are happy to help out. Love, Mom
Dear Lucia, I KNOW what you're going through and yes it's very difficult. I hebrew we say that you don't have the best parent, you need to be a good enough parent. And you are more than that. You do a terrific job! And remember that to be able to give to your kids, you need to think of yourself too. Sounds selfish but it is not. I remember Kobi's teacher saying to me when I felt hopeless: "this is a great opportunity for your children to learn to give back" - that really encouraged me. I felt I was teaching my children an important lesson in life. Hang in!
Lucia,
In all of the craziness with Adam away, we know you'll make all of the necessary decisions to keep your family safe, happy and busy with lots of love. That doesn't mean it won't be exhausting, so try and get as much rest as possible. We are happy you have a great support system with your family nearby. We are keeping all of you in our prayers daily. Take care, Love, Diana and Larry Parker
Lucia,
You are a great mom (I'm aspiring to be as fabulous a mom one of these days!) - and you will be 'enough' for Noah and Camille while Adam's away. I know it's got to be hard...sending you hopeful, happy thoughts! We miss you in Jax!
hug! that is a lot to deal with. you are a great mom. you will find great strength to overcome.
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