Friends

December 18, 2006

Stay-at-home mom desperatedly seeking cool friends. I am at the point of seriously considering taking out a personal ad to find some local friends. Moving is always hard and one of the worst parts about it is starting all over again in the friend department. It doesn't get any easier as one grows older. In fact it gets more complicated. After getting married, we were struck by the challenge of finding "couple" friends who we both got along with and now that we have added kids to the equation it gets even more complicated....do the kids get along, do our parenting approaches mesh, kids schedules, etc.

While our kitchen was being the renovated I at least had that to focus on and I had somewhat daily adult conversation (although discussing paint samples isn't too exciting at least it is something!), now that the kitchen is done I realize I need to get serious about the friend search. Part of the difficulty in this is that I have been lucky to build some amazing friendships in each places I have lived and I always find myself yearning to build similar relationships...but I have to remind myself it takes time to do that.

I am now in a phase that reminds me of dating. I have had several playdates that were engineered by kind souls hoping to help me feel more connected. These playdates remind me of blind dates...hoping there will be some sort of connection, hoping the kids will get along, hoping we have something to talk about beyond baby schedules and husband's jobs. I even went to something recently that felt a little like "speed dating" at a local coffee shop. It was geared towards newcomers and we bounced around the room meeting and greeting. I met a few interesting "possiblities" but then we went out of town and just as with dating, immediate follow-up is important but I wasn't able to do that. And now we are going to be away for the holidays so I guess I will be back in search mode after the new year.

It sounds so weird and pathetic to be writing about this but it is my current state of reality, although not quite as dreary as I make it sound. I am starting to meet some friends through the local adoption group, Noah's school and our neighborhood but I haven't met that friend yet who I can call up for a spontaneous trip to the park with the kids or the friend who also listens to NPR and calls to discuss a recent episode of Fresh Air, or the friend who will meet me for a late night chocolate run. I know that someone like that is also hiding out here in the suburbs, right?
Eric (roomie!) said...

Amy is going through the same thing, and she actually walked up and rang the doorbell of a woman we saw on Halloween that has a girl the same age as Abby. Ding dong! What courage that took.

I think it's good to hope, but realistically you'll find few couples to do things with, especially with kids. Amy has friends that she hangs out with and I have people that speak to me occasionally (closest I have to friends) but when we actually get time to do something we do it together. Entertaining at home is usually just one of us tolerating the spouse of the friend without any real hope of it going anywhere.

kategun said...

I can relate! Too bad you don't live closer. The Post-Katrina landscape has added yet another wrinkle to the friendship equation (sorry for my mixed metaphor). Anyway, the kids look darling and your house cozy. Best wishes for more meaningful connections in the new year--

Ann said...

Awww sweetie, it is hard. I wish our schedules were more accomidating. I also feel the pangs. I feel so left out with all those that have children. I feel like the weird crazy woman tagging along, so I often opt out.

Mom said...

It takes me back to the times when we were moving....Atlanta, Yardley, Phoenix, SF. It always seemed to take soo much time to meet that "special" friend that you could call on any time without feeling self conscious. I remember that after the kids left for school and dad for work, I would take long walks by the bay and think that I would never have another good friend. The good news is that there are other women out there that are looking for the same kind of a relationship and if you do things that you enjoy doing you will meet some of them.
Love, Mom

Morena, Andy, Dominic & Christian said...

This entry really struck a chord...thank you for being brave enough to post this and for making me aware that I'm not the only person who feels this way. After 1 1/2 years here I'm still looking, but I'm hopeful that when we move to Philadelphia next year I'll have better luck connecting with someone. I think that in someways, Okinawa was such a magical and special place that it's hard to find something that matches it. Here's hoping that 2007 brings lots of new friendships, and the renewal of old ones. ((HUGS))

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