Chocolate Laxatives, Kitty Litter, and Chewing Gum

January 12, 2011

So the vole post continues. My cousin sent an e-mail suggesting I try chocolate laxatives since she had recently read this funny post about the unusual solution. Apparently, you stuff them in the hole. Just to be super clear on that point: stuff them in the voles' holes. That laxative search lead me to a whole new round of googling and reading which brought up the additional recommendations of filling the holes with used kitty litter (doesn't that sound like a fun job?) and sticks of chewing gum. There seems to be an ongoing debate on one gardening forum as to whether fruit flavored gum is better than mint flavored gum. I know most people have this image of gardeners as mild, mannered little old ladies in sun bonnets, but if you spend any time in those gardeners' forums, you will know that is not the case, especially in regards to garden pests. There is a fair amount of cursing,angst, desperation, and acts of violence when vegetable predators are involved. This desperate gardener is now off to see if I can track down laxatives and gum. I am holding off on the kitty litter, for now...
Dana said...

oh. it's all so intriguing. get your camera out there and document the scene, lucia.
hope the critters meet their demise soon. . . ahhaaaahaaaa (scary laugh).

D

Helen said...

The chocolate laxatives (believe it or not) worked. It took a few rounds and yes, you really feel strange doing it, but we are now mole-free.

Dim Sum, Bagels, and Crawfish said...

Thanks, Dana!

Helen, so glad to hear that it really did work for you. Thanks for your comment :)

likeschocolate said...

This is hilarious, but I know it is not hilarious to you when you so desperately want to have a garden. I didn't think it was too funny when the squirrels or the bunnies not sure which ate all the tulips I planted one year out of a hundred blooms I had one flower.

Dim Sum, Bagels, and Crawfish said...

Kelleyn, it is crazy isn't it?! I alternate between feeling pissed off and then laughing at the absurd amount of time I have spent in the past few days contemplating coyote urine and now adding chocolate laxatives to the mix! Quite a strange cocktail, right?

se7en said...

Oh this is absolutely the funniest thing I have read in days... weeks!!! Funny from far and far from funny I am sure!!! Since baboons and porcupines were cause for concern, the next beach town south of us has become a penguin haven in the last fifteen years or so and they are protected... there is absolutely nothing you can do should a colony of penguins decide to shuffle into your garden... fish in, fish out... say no more other than euch!!!

Heather said...

You're on a roll for highly clickable blog post titles! :D Wishing you the best in your turf war.

Emee said...

Lucia you could always try what my roommate's dad did when they were young, he and some buddies poured lots of gasoline down groundhog? or mole? hole and had one guy light it with a match on the end of a long stick... had a huge fire ball erupt out of the hole but I don't think they had any more problems from the creature after that

Dim Sum, Bagels, and Crawfish said...

I thought baboons and porcupines were crazy, but now you are adding penguins to the mix, too?!!! Feels so much better to be able to laugh and share these woes with all of you in all of your exotic spots of the world..thankyou!

And Emee, I think I will pass on the gasoline option...I don't think my neighbors or the base would be too fond of that, but I bet Noah would think it was a cool idea!

Dawn said...

As I read this I thought about Alka Seltzer... When I was young people said if you fed it to a sea gull they would blow up... gross I know... it was high school!
Made me think if it would work that way with voles.
So gnarly to think about ways to kill things!

Emily said...

LOL!!!! good luck!!!!

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