Mother's Day 2008

May 10, 2008

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I won't be with my two little birds because I am headed back to Baltimore to be with my parents. It's been another rocky week with a few setbacks for my Dad and some very exhausting nights for my Mom. It has been exactly a month since this all started with my Dad's surgery. Time has become so warped for all of us. The days spent in the hospital take on this strange pace...moments that seem to take forever and yet at the same time the day goes by in a blur.

In addition to the my loss of time, I am also struggling with my desire to be in multiple places at one time. I have heard the term "sandwich generation" used to describe this generational situation but it doesn't quite work for me. I don't just feel "tucked" in between two pieces of bread...I feel torn apart. Desperately wanting to be with my parents while also desperately wanting to be with my own little nest that is about to become a little emptier with Adam's upcoming departure. And more than anything I just want to fix things...make my dad healthy, make my mom sleep, keep Adam home, but it's just not happening that way.

I guess that's one of the hardest aspects of mothering. I struggle with a false sense of control especially in those early years of when so much of child rearing felt like it was in my hands...potty training, introducing new foods, daily scheduling, etc. But really it wasn't all in my control. So much of it was just luck, timing, each child's temperament and readiness, in combination with my own readiness. Right now when things feel so out of control I am struggling to remember that as much as I want to control and fix things, I can't.

This Mother's Day I need to remind myself to follow my children's example. To live in the present. Children do this naturally. I envy that and yearn for it. Instead of spending so much time worrying about the possibilities, the responsibilities I need to just appreciate the moment. So I am flying back to Baltimore to do that. Alternating between two nests right now. I made the little felted bird above for my mom last month but in the midst of all of our recent moves I can't seem to find it. I hope she knows how much we all love and respect her. She truly is an amazing mama bird.
Weasel said...

Fly to your mama bird safely...your insight is beautifully written on life's challenges and triumphs. Living in the present is something I struggle with everyday.

We are thinking of you all! We are still here until 5/30, so please let us know if you need anything or if we can help out in any way.

the clan mccawley said...

Lucia,
My heart aches for you right now. I know, however, that you are and will continue to do all that you can for both of your families. You always seem to know the right thing to do and you do it with grace. I am thinking of and praying for your dad and your families. Have a safe trip and know that your children with be with you in your heart, celebrating you on Mother's Day. And remember the example of love, kindness and family loyalty you are setting for your own children by making the parents who raised you a priority when they need to be.
Love,
Tiff

Corinne said...

I don't just feel "tucked" in between two pieces of bread...I feel torn apart.

That line made me cry. I am so sorry about the fact that the two places you need to be most are so far apart. I am thinking of you.

Kellie said...

Thank you for sharing your poignant thoughts, Lucia. I'm thinking of you, too. I especially appreciate your insight about living in the present. It is surely a key to contentment- realizing that we have enough, right now. Hugs to you.

Heather said...

Oh Lucia, what a difficult time for you and your family. I've been thinking about you and hoping for the best. Thank you for sharing your thoughts--honest and insightful as always. Here's to the present and the gifts it has to offer. Hang in there!

Carol D. O'Dell said...

Hi Lucia,
I like your bird pic--my book (about being a sandwich generation) also has a bird motif, picked out by my publisher.

I too, was a sand-gener torn by wanting to care for all those I love--my mother who had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's--and my three daughters, husband, and remnants of a "life."

Still, I (and you) are blessed to be surrounded (okay, pulled) by so many. I found I could never "do it all," be there for everybody all the time, but I had to learn to let that go and let enough be enough.

I wish you well on your journey. Love big.

~Carol O'Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
available on Amazon
www.mothering-mother.com

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