That Woman
March 9, 2008
She drives me crazy. Over and over again. And I know there must be some lesson to be learned. Something the universe is trying to teach me about myself. It is a specific type of woman. Every time we move I think, "whew so glad I won't have to deal with Madam X anymore". And then guess what? She reappears in my life...a different part of the world, a different name, a different look but the same grating personality. I like to think of myself as a tolerant and open minded person. I sincerely love learning about others, their stories, their culture, the things that unite and differentiate us. But when it comes to this specific set of personality traits...brash, bossy, controlling, over involved with a sugar coated topping of fake friendliness...when she rears her lovely head my stomach clenches, my jaw tightens, and I realize that "she" has found me again. I try to convince myself that it is just a personality clash or just that specific person. I used to think I would get more tolerant and overlook these petty,middle school feelings as I grew older. I can't. She still gets to me and I wonder if I will ever get to that point of maturity when I can just move past her. I would see her coming and just walk past her without getting flustered or angry or feel obligated to be friendly when I don't want to be. I am sure that on some level I am bothered by this personality type because there is some part of myself in her (isn't that what "they" say?). But I don't like thinking about that so I continue to struggle with "her". And I continue to foolishly hope that she won't find me when we move again.
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I know who you are talking about. I think it comes with the territory of having 'kids'. Me, I'm followed by the super, sweet, knife in your back, super-energized fake peppy type. They are the ones who got on my nerves in High School and they still get on my nerves to this day. Good luck. Hope you find a way to ignore her.
Jan
Beautifully said! Why is it that "we" as women have a hard time just saying, "you are really not my type of person. Let's agree not to pretend." It makes neither party involved a bad person. We waste so much time worrying, trying to change, or nicely avoiding issues/people like these. Maybe it is part of military life more than others...or is this just one of the many lessons that we too get to learn as we have children and try to help guide them through these very same issues. I dunno, but you put words to it so well. Thank you and thanks for the movie last night. It was so nice to get away.
So I loved your post (and found it ironic after a recent chat on the Nook). And I have to add that I also love weasel's comment! What IS it about women that we feel the need to really get along with everyone and be nice all the time? Do you think men stress about this kind of stuff?
And let me assure you that NO, none of those are your personality traits! And I am one of the "they" that often says the two people who will dislike each other the most are often the ones that are the most similar. But it certainly isn't the case with you and That Woman. :)
I agree with you about That Woman and wonder who DOES like her. Perhaps part of the problem is her lack of true friends?
Jessica, yes our recent chat and one I had with Weasel got me thinking (plus Adam is tired of hearing my complain about that woman in her current incarnation).
I am enjoying all of the comments and this dialogue. I think it is partly due to our early socialization as girls...taught to be nice/sweet to everyone even if it isn't "real". And now as a mother, I hear myself saying similar things to my children so I guess I am continuing the cycle. Need to think about that some more. How to explain those concepts of friendship and social graces without selling out yourself to a two year old and a five year old?
Hello Lucia, Adam and kids,
Your blog is great. Your family is beautiful and I'm so happy for you. It looks like your life is busy and fulfilling. I would love to get together with you, I heard you are going to be in South Carolina. We are stationed here for three years. Email me lets get in touch.....Spring
Great topic. There are a couple people in my life who are challenging to me in similar ways. I drive my husband crazy obsessing over it, but I think the other comments here have hit the nail on the head: we women are either wired or socialized to make these social/emotional issues the forefront of our daily dealings. DUDE.
I have my own version of that woman, but add sanctimoniously New Age to the list! What I hate most is the competitive and "Schadenfreude" feelings she brings up in me--makes me despise myself for my thoughts when I'm around her. Yet another of those Buddhistic lessons we'll probably still be learning w/ when we're 70. As my mother says "smile and look for the nearest exit."
Isn't it funny that we each have our own "type"? Kate, part of this conversation reminded me of our shared experience with a certain woman in social work school...remember?
Great post, Lucia! I got your message. I'd love to meet up if we can but I don't have your email address. Email me at amymayfield @ earthlink.net. Thanks!
Great topic in discussion. I'll add that from my perspective in my new home in PA, I feel so isolated that I'd be happy to meet any "type" of mom...even one that drives me nuts! LOL! How pathetic is that? Every one here is too "busy" to make connections...too busy to make eye contact, to say hello, to hold the door open, to welcome a new neighbor. I find it to be very, very sad. It's like people don't feel they need friends so they don't even bother to be friendly. I guess at least they're not being fake about it.
Good luck to you with your situation...I hope you're able to get away from "her"!
Interesting post, Lucia. I think your feelings are normal, healthy and shared by many. Processing them like this shows that you are maturing and coping pretty well, I'd say. Tolerance and interest don't have to add up to friendship.
hmm.. Are you talking about me? (just kidding..unless, of course, you are talking about me!)
Excellent post by the way.
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